I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she pinky promised me she was 18
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
