It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
