I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
