# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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