you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
