there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
