ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
