Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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