Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
