i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
