3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
