she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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