He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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