Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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