Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Girls should come with a carfax report
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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