I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
