Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
