Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
