You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
