the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
false alarm, still single
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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