would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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