i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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