but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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