she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
