Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
