hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
