do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
