I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
