i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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