It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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