Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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