i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
