Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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