No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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