Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
