Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
