So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
