I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
