I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
