So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
