Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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