I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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