He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
