the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
