He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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