I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
