She announced her abortion via fbk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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