If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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