He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
