ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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