I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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