i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
