Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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